Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
