Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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