youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
