Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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