Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
