I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
