Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize