i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
