I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
