as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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