she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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