i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
