so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
