I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
