it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
