Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
