He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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