But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
