I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
