Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
