Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
