I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
