1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
