I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
