my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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