What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
there is glitter all over my balls
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