Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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