WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
