take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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