it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize