Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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