I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
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