i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
