Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
