I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
