why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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