I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
