Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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