so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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