I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
