she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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