i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
