you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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