If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
