I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
