I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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