Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
