hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
