So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
