Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Randomize
