i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
