So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize