The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
