umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
