:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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