she was so not down for the gang bang
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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