I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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