Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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