Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Randomize
