Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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