I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
