And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
