if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
