you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
