Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Randomize
