Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize